One Month In

The last month has been one of the most humbling periods of my life. For the last month I have been living with my husband in our very recent marriage. There is no sensing indicator that a marriage is new, there is no new car smell or the undeniable satisfaction new socks feel on your feet. The newness of a marriage is based off the number of days, weeks, or years a couple has been married, and that waivers to one side or the other depending on the audience and their history. Needless to say there is no template or universal gauge of when a marriage is no longer new, as like when a car’s new car smell goes away or when your new socks no longer stand out among the others in the sock drawer. A couple’s perspective on their marriage also may not match that of others on the outside of the relationship. However, for our situation, being only classified as married for a shy 30 days, I believe that anyone would agree that our marriage is new.

For the five months between Christopher finishing up grad school and starting his career at the shipyard his days mainly consisted of putting around Pullman, searching and apply for jobs, making phone calls, and serving me. I was wrapping up my last semester at WSU, stressing more than not about finishing strong, and had little to no free time. Since Chris was the one without the tight and delicate schedule, he took it upon himself to serve me consistently. There would be nights that Chris would tuck me into bed and the next morning I would wake up to a sparkling clean kitchen, he would surprise me with coffee at work or class on the days he knew I was struggling to stay awake because I was up incredible late the night before, mind you, he would stay awake with me during my late night studies. One time Chris came over at 05:00 to help me study before an exam, he tested me on flash cards, even gave my friends and I spelling tests of the countries we had to memorize. I cannot even recall the number of papers I have sent to him during those four months that he proof read and commented on, and then sent back to me. He made my group’s powerpoint presentations work, drove me everywhere around Pullman, held me when I was sad or stressed, cooked dinners and helped make desserts for parties. Chris was the one that spent hours upon hours creating our wedding invitations and my graduation announcements. Chris even cleaned my bathroom the morning before my mom and sister came to visit while I was in class. For four months this man, now my husband, selflessly served me hand and foot.

For the last month we have been married, and during that time Chris has been waking up at 05:00, leaving the apartment at 06:19, getting home at roughly 16:45, and aiming to be in bed by roughly 22:00. More times than not I have been up later finishing up cleaning, cooking, or baking, and sleeping in past him to make up for the hours. During the day I do laundry, sweep, dust, cook, buy groceries, and organize our home. I make sure Chris has giant muffins to bring to work for snack and hearty meals for lunch to keep his mind awake and body eager to learn. Our roles have reversed; I am now the one serving Chris, this being my primary activity of the day, while he is out working to provide for our new family. I can sit here and say that I love being a homemaker, staying at home cooking and cleaning, being dressed up in a cute apron and pearls when my husband comes home, but that would make me a liar and also cause me to throw up in my mouth a little. Instead it has been a frustratingly humbling experience learning to take care of and serve someone other than myself. Wednesday is wash the sheets and clean the bathrooms (yes, two bathrooms) day. Chris considers me a germaphobe, I have not agreed to this, but I also have not denied it. When it comes to cleaning a bathroom, I get incredible dedicated to the details, which results in taking up my entire afternoon. Before I know it is Wednesday again, and between last Wednesday and this Wednesday I have been on my feet all day everyday trying to put a home together yet it feels like I have no progress to show for it. Currently the apartment looks livable, yet there is an entire spare room that should have yellow caution tap and a ‘do not enter’ sign posted upon it, padlocks wouldn’t be that ridiculous of an addition either.

Serving does not come naturally to me. I have no idea how Christopher willingly served me for four months. I want to be a good wife and to serve my husband and though I have not entirely found joy in doing so, I continue out of obedience to our faithful Lord. I did not expect to be good at marriage right from the start, it’s a learning processes, and it takes time. Being an educator I am fully aware that it takes some longer than others and that with some subjects, some time frames for achievement are ridiculously unachievable and unrealistic. I am learning to coexist with someone else and to focus my days on someone other than my own self. Learning of your own selfish and self-centered ways is painfully humbling but necessary for growth and progression. I love my husband and I love my Lord and with that I have my purpose and direction. It would be unfair and close-minded of me to put our Lord in a box by believing marriage doesn’t get better with time. That would contradict the glory of God that I know. I am thankful for Christopher and the ways the Lord has blessed us thus far, even if those blessing consist of revealing to me the ugliness and weaknesses of my heart.

And here begins the journey…